SEMI – HIATUS
I need to calm the fuck down. I thirst for you. Your toxic death in my lungs. You will kill me. Lull me to oblivion. Take me to tragic paradise.
I have become the world’s marionette. Pull my strings, they are fragile, watch them break. The fates’ shears hover too closely.
I am inebriate. I am swirls of smoke. I am colored lights. I am vertigo. I am cancer. I am arthritic fingers. I am raging hormones. I am caffeine in your veins.
Watercolors are a bitch to use. Granted I’m not the regular Picasso, the lack of depth this painting has can be considered forgivable. I will, practice, hopefully. Please settle for the static one-dimensionality of the succeeding attempts. Read the rest of this page »
I started another journal. I thought maybe I could find sanctuary in pen and paper. Initially, I wanted to get into counseling, anger management, meet a shrink, whatever. I thought I needed an outsider’s perspective on what the hell is happening to me. Unfortunately, that’s not possible right now. With the situation I’m in, I don’t have time to see a professional, and I’m really tired of everyone I know telling me “You can do it.” or that “I know what you’re going through.” They sure as hell don’t. Honestly, it seems borderline comedic that people think they can empathize with me. I don’t know if I’m being a bitch or a realist. I’m really not in the mood for perky Dr. Phil wannabes sticking their nose up in my business (and here I am, satisfying their bloodlust for gossip by writing a tell-all).
I am. I’ve been for a while. I’ve been avoiding things that I have to do to make this right and to make everything okay. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I don’t feel in control. If I was I wouldn’t have wasted two days of my life trying to escape and start doing the work that I have to. I don’t know if everyone is dragging me down or if it’s the other way around. I’m losing it. Read the rest of this page »